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The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, by Ross W., PhD Gr
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What′s an explosive child? A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration-crying, screaming, swearing, kicking, hitting, biting, spitting, destroying property, and worse. A child whose frequent, severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated, scared, worried, and desperate for help. Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning, explaining, punishing, sticker charts, therapy, medication-but to no avail. They can′t figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don′t work for theirs; and they don′t know what to do instead.
Dr. Ross Greene, a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren′t attention-seeking, manipulative, or unmotivated, and their parents aren′t passive, permissive pushovers. Rather, explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving, and they require a different approach to parenting.
Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties, based on research in the neurosciences. He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don′t work with these children, and he describes what to do instead. Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing, Dr. Greene′s Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes, and teaching these kids the skills they lack.
- Sales Rank: #43312 in Books
- Published on: 2010-01-19
- Released on: 2010-01-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .76" w x 5.31" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 314 pages
From the Back Cover
A groundbreaking approach to understanding and parenting children who frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other intractable behaviours, from a distinguished clinician and pioneer in this field, now updated to include the most recent research.
Almost everyone knows an explosive child, one whose frequent, severe fits of temper leave his or her parents standing helpless in their fear, frustration, and guilt. Most of these parents have tried everything—reasoning, behaviour modification, therapy, medication—but to no avail. They wonder if their child is deviant or just plain bad.
Dr. Ross Greene has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren't bad, and neither are their parents. Rather, explosive children suffer from a physiological deficiency in frustration tolerance and flexibility. Throughout this compassionate book, Dr. Greene demonstrates why traditional treatments don't work for these kids and offers a new conceptual framework for understanding their behaviour, along with new language to describe it. He explains the latest neuroscience findings about the importance of flexibility, and, most important, he shows parents specific, practical ways they can recognize the signs of an impending explosion, defuse tension, and reduce frustration levels for the entire family.
- For parents, psychologists, educators and ADHD groups.
- In addition to the scientific foundation of the book, Greene addresses parents in practical ways that will help show results in difficult children and their effect on families.
About the Author
Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., is Associate Clinical Professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the originator of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. Dr. Greene consults extensively to families, schools, and therapeutic facilities, and he lectures throughout the world.
Most helpful customer reviews
379 of 397 people found the following review helpful.
Helped our household; Helped me.
By DocDenver
Our child isn't "explosive" but just way harder to get to do stuff than some - i.e. transition from bed to up, from TV to homework, from friend's house to car, etc. This book really helps in explaining those behaviors so they make sense and giving techniques to avoid the threats and yelling that I hate to say was getting pretty common in our house. Maybe better title: "The Explosive Parent; A New Approach for Understanding and Dealing With the Strange Person You Become sometimes when Dealing With Your Child."
658 of 679 people found the following review helpful.
Great resource for truly coping with explosiveness
By Amazon Customer
I read The Explosive Child after reading The Defiant Child (and attending a Douglas Riley-esque parenting class). The problem with the premise in The Defiant Child, and in most of the negative reviews on this book, is that there are many adults who cling obstinately to the belief that these children are capable of doing better than they are, and if the adult can just make said child's life difficult enough, he/she will shape up.
The problem with that line of thinking, and the subsequent "strategies" it produces, is that no matter how much I punish a child, if he/she is incapable of doing better, the issues we face will persist. It is akin to punishing a child who needs glasses for not being able to see. A much better solution all around would be to get him/her glasses.
My daughter, in the Riley worldview, would be "punishing me" or "controlling" and "manipulating." What I saw was a little girl who was so very overwhelmed by various aspects of her environment, that she had no adaptations, no ability to cope. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a world where the way your plate is turned at dinner, or which direction your socks are facing, is so overwhelming a proposition that you lose the ability to function and/or think rationally. That's the little girl I was living with. The little girl who could blow up over the most incomprehensible thing, and for whom most of life's daily situations and frustrations were just more than she could bear.
In the calm between storms, she was (and still is) a delightful girl - funny, bright, loving, and always, always remorseful after an explosion. I knew she knew what she was doing was wrong, and moreover, she didn't want to be doing it at all. A common conversation, post-blow up, involved my baby girl, red-faced, tear soaked and shaking, saying, "Mommy, do you still love me? Even when I lose all my marbles?" What amount of punishment was going to solve that? She KNEW what she was doing was wrong, the problem was that she had no other strategies for dealing with her overwhelming frustrations.
My goal in seeking treatment for her at all in the first place was not about how I could make a phone call or waste time on the computer without her "bothering" me (actual parenting class verbiage there), but how I could soothe my daughter. If I never talked on the phone without interruption again, it would be a small price to pay to help soothe my girl - to help her cope with the stuff of life.
That's what I feel like I have gotten in this book - a set of strategies to employ, as part of a complete parenting philosophy. More importantly, it accomplishes these goals without the guiding philosophy of "I'm bigger than you, and I can inflict several different types of pain to get you to comply."
That's the best way I can describe this book: it is like getting glasses, and finally being able to see the world.
59 of 65 people found the following review helpful.
As a reformed judger of explosive children....I now mother one...and this book is a MUST READ!!!
By GadgetFamily
I will admit it... my first 2 kids were very easy. So easy, in fact that I was lulled into a false sense of confidence about this parenting thing. I might even have to admit that I got a bit smug and yes...it's true...Judge-y. Yep. I would see parents with a child who was screaming and out of control and think something along the lines of "They only need to be consistent and set firm boundaries and then their little monster will become docile and compliant like my amazing kids..." So you have probably heard of the great scripture, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." well...all I can say is that Yikes. God is listening and God has a sense of humor. Yeah...I'm living that scripture out in a real world way with child #3. Trust me...in my mind I have apologized to every stranger I ever stood in arrogant judgement of...a million times over. I wish I could write them encouraging notes and tell them I know they have probably tried every trick in the book and to please know that their horribly behaved child is NOT a reflection of them and poor parenting (as I have eaten so much crow about!!!). I have apologized in person to the parents I know in real life for thinking they might have been missing the "magic touch" to tame their wild beast. I am now the weary, battle-scarred and infinitely more humble mom to one such wild beast...errrr rather, "explosive child."
Our daughter's OT suggested this book and I'm pretty sure I sounded like really enthusiastic parishioner during a great sermon because I found myself blurting out "YES!!" "That's exactly right!" and "Amen!!" a few times...and I suddenly felt understood and human again. But, most importantly, I understood my little explosive child much better and began to learn ways to avoid her going into VAPOR LOCK and being "unreachable" and volatile.
Does she still throw humiliating tantrums without regard to where we are or who might witness it? Yes. Am I still mortified in those moments and begging God to spontaneously combust me? Yes. Will that ever change...? I doubt it. lol But we are doing better now that I have a more solid understanding of her psychology and how to work with it.
If you are looking at this book, perhaps it is because someone in your life (a doctor, OT, Therapist, friend, or fellow parent of an explosive child) has recommended it, so please know I am praying for you! lol I do...I pray for parents everywhere who have a child like this because it is really the hardest thing I have ever undertaken as a parent!! Please know you are not alone....and as a reformed judger, I can only say I am so so so sorry. I never knew!!! But I am humbled and wiser now...and still wondering if spontaneous combustion could save me from some of the more embarrassing locales of explosions.... :-)
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